These two very true stories are to dispel any myths about my intelligence.

Story One: The Toothpaste Incident

Brushing my teeth is something I do on occasion, and this was one of those occasions. While applying the toothpaste to the bristles of the brush, I was inadvertently pressing down a group of bristles with the tube. Moving the tube of toothpaste off of the bristles created a slingshot out of the toothbrush bristles, launching a small glob of toothpaste right in my eye.

Toothpaste in the eye is a painful experience.

Story Two: The Mouthwash Incident

Often after brushing my teeth, I’ll use mouthwash to really rinse the gunk out of my mouth. Since no one else shares my bottle of off-brand mouthwash I decided what the hell, I’ll go ahead and take a glug straight from the bottle. I sealed my lips over the opening, tipped my head back and took a mouthful. Well, my lip seal was too tight, creating a pressurized bottle of mouthwash. Removing my lips released the pressure, and with it a healthy splash mouthwash was projectiled straight up my nostrils. For a second I was worried. This is going to burn, I thought. After waiting a second, green teeth cleaning liquid dripping off my face, I breathed a sigh of relief for the lack of pain I was feeling.

I use a washcloth to clean off my face, when out of nowhere the stinging starts. My nostrils are on fire. At this point I consider suicide, but decide against it because I feel hunger coming on and killing myself on an empty stomach is an unattractive proposition.

***

In other news, two new articles I’ve written are up. My PS3 review for Fairytale Fights and a new edition of Comics That Don’t Suck. If you love me, you’ll read them!

Of course, the move hasn’t been all flowers and lollipops – parts of it have been hard. Being away from friends, family, and the lady friend all come to mind. Trying to figure out exactly how I’m going to go about finishing school, and considering where I’ll want to live once I’m done. Finding a job that pays enough for me to afford bills. Sleeping on a couch for an extended period of time. There is one thing, though, that I’d like to explore more in depth.

When people ask me where I’m from in Texas I tell them Houston. In reality I lived just South of Houston in the small city of Manvel, but if I told people that I’d get blank stares and I’d end up having to tell them what large city I was close to anyway. Although getting to Houston was a short car ride away, I was basically in the country. We lived on about an acre and a half of land where restrictions were minimal. We had regular bonfires, loud barbecues, and set off fireworks whenever we felt like it. Long story short, we played it loud.

Sometimes late at night the urge to urinate would build, but the bathroom would be occupied. In this semi-frequently occurring situation I would simply step outside and relieve myself anywhere I damn well pleased in the yard. We were so far back from the road (which was rarely traversed at night) it wasn’t even all that uncommon for me to let it rip off the front porch into the grass. Life. Was. Beautiful.

Now I live in an apartment complex. Now don’t get me wrong, it’s a nice apartment complex and our neighbors all seem like reasonable people. I feel safe here, to the point that I frequently forgo locking the door when I leave. However I have serious doubts that my kindly neighbors would think very highly of me if I stepped out on my second story porch and wee weed off it at 2 in the morning. Hell, if it was much earlier there’s a chance I might even hit someone, which would be hilarious but would surely be grounds for revoking my right to live here.

Sometimes it’s the little things that end up mattering the most.

So I’ve got a desk in my room, which means that I’ve finally been able to set up my computer. I had been using my tiny netbook, which I love, but having a decently sized screen and fully capable PC at my disposal is something I’ve missed. Aside from being able to play games again, which is awesome, it’s incredibly fantastic to regain access to my 12,613 songs. I’ve even put my library on shuffle – something that I almost never do – just to enjoy having it all back. I’ve forgotten I even owned some of this stuff (if you’re pathetically bored you can go check out exactly what stuff I’ve been listening to).

I’ve read an insane amount of comics since I’ve been here, thanks to the crazy library. Looking over my rental history I’m counting over 30 trade paper backs (or “graphic novels” for the snooty) checked out since I started going. This is fascinating information, I know.

Also, I still write over at n-philes. Check out my review for some firefighter game that was actually pretty fun. If you want.

We’ve moved into our nicer, larger apartment, which has been great so far. I’m still amassing furniture (I don’t have a mattress yet, although I do have a frame for some reason), but it’s coming along. We got some fish, thanks to the internet having places to get random stuff for free.

Nathan paid us a visit these last few days, so we made a trip over to the coast. Checked out the Heceta Head Lighthouse, a trip I can highly recommend thanks to the awesome tour guides. We saw some sea lions chilling out and a whale in the distance blowin’ water all over the place. The high/low point of the trip with the salt water taffy – high point because it was good and low point because I kept eating it. Finally we made our way over to the beach. Climbing to the top of the sand dunes, especially after that salt water taffy, was enough to make me consider suicide. But it was pretty, so I decided against it. As for the water? Balls cold.

I also wrote a new feature for N-Philes about Comics That Don’t Suck, you should read it because you love me.

My point is, I am, in fact, still breathing. Hooray.

I thought this might be information you’d like to know. Oh, it’s not you say? Carry on then.

EDIT: I previously had the photo-a-day photostream posted here, but it started to get out of control, so here’s a link to the set instead. I also added my latest photo-a-days to the right hand side of the page.

Plans for today? Scratch up everyone’s underwear, pee on a few computers, and lick all the fruit in the house.

http://twitter.com/FatsaCat

But man, they need some new kitchenware. Today I tried making eggs over easy with this.

This is, no joke, the best tool for the job in this house. Needless to say it was a complete disaster and I ended up having unintentional scrambled eggs instead.

My job for the day, I’ve decided, is to go to the store and buy a new spatuala for the house. A small step toward bringing my good friends out of their current neanderthal state of living.

(To be fair they’re not neanderthals, they just don’t seem to ever cook anything that needs a non retarded spatula.)